So we actually are 25 weeks now, this post is a little late, I have been so crazy busy with my work and school. But, I did manage an 'A' in my Marketing class, so my hard work is paying off!
Andrea is done being pregnant. Like so incredibly done. She feels large, can't get a decent breath, the baby keeps kicking her hard (she has always had anterior placentas, so the kicks were always muted, this one is posterior so there is nothing cushioning the blows).
Her being done with pregnancy is hard on me. I am no longer jealous on a daily basis, or envious, or whatever. I have come to a place of peace with my NGP-hood. I am beginning to marvel at the journey I have undertaken, and excitedly apprehensive about the road I have yet to travel. However, there is still that piece of me that wishes I could be pregnant and experience all the things she is. She has a relationship with Ziggy that I will never have, and that just plain old sucks. Yes, when Ziggy is born I will have an intimate relationship with him/her that she will never have, but for now the relationship is mostly her and him/her. It's not that I just generically want to be pregnant, it's that I want to be pregnant with this child.
It's so hard to explain. It's weird to be having a child that I don't know so innately. One that I don't have that maternal, internal bond with. Sometimes it catches me as quite absurd that I have an attachment relationship to her belly. Afterall, that's all it really is to me. I can't feel internal kicks, only kicks to her belly. I can't talk to it mentally - only talk to her belly. My primary relationship is with her belly, not necessarily with the baby contained inside. Parts of me want to be pregnant with this child so I know it in a different, more internal way. I hope any of that makes sense.
I understand why she is done being pregnant. This pregnancy has been hard on her, and though I doubt her actual weight gain is very high, she does have a bump, and it does get in the way of things she wants to do. Andrea is not one that can just sit and not be doing something (exception: she has started knit nesting, and must knit all the things; she finished a sweater in a day and a half!, and that is just sitting). She loves household projects, and used to be an active runner. These things are becoming increasingly difficult, so I completely see and understand where she is coming from. I just wish I could help.
Matteo, our third child, felt the baby kick the other day and was in awe. He has been the sweetest about this pregnancy. He always says he is going to share his beloved blankie with it, and his cars. He is always touching Andrea's belly, and was actually the first person to actively talk to it. I should take some lessons from this kid. He loves this baby, already, with his whole heart and it doesn't matter to him at all that the baby is inside Andrea's belly and not on the outside yet. Kids are so pure.
We have our next midwife appointment today, not really sure what happens at these appointments anymore, I am hoping to get a homebirth supply list so we can start budgeting and acquiring things. We already got a pool, it was on sale, so we are prepared on that front, but I know there are a lot more things that the midwife requires. I still think if she requires it to do her job, than she should be supplying it - but that's just my two cents.
I got another nomination from lezbmommies for the Liebster Award. Though I don't think I'll make the final list at all, it's pretty cool that two people think of me. I am always in awe when I see that my blog gets about 70 views a day, that's just incredible to me! So she asked me some questions: